Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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