you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
