I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
