life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
