I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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