i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
home. puking in laundry basket.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
