Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
