I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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