:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
