He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's blow job season.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
