Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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