Michael Bay diarrhea
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize