Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
