I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
