508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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