I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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