Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
