the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize