OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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