I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize