Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize