he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
