Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
