This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
