I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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