Screwed.edu
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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