Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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