yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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