Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
