I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
