I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
