So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
