Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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