billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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