Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
