wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
