Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
