i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
