I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
