She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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