I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
