guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
