dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
