the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
