She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
