She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
