That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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