Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
