just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
