If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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