I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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