Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
