Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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