the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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