The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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