It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
