Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
