I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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