Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
