Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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