There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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