ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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